Angry Girl: Building Character

A black and white sample of AG. She likes glam rock fashion: leggings, knee-high socks, shirts, jackets with tabs (maybe leather jackets too), depends really on her mood (or my mood in fact). But then, she might want to wear a dress inspired by Chloe or Alber Elbaz or Sari Gueron. Oh, and she definitely loves Tsumori Chisato's cutesy drawings and Junko Shimada's fantasy world. She admires Tadahiro Uesugi's pretty sketches. Although slightly frustrated with her own art, this girl is about being authentic with her work and being angry at many things especially her flirky (yes that's for flirty) step-sister (not sure about whether they really are) Vixen Mayhem.





A colored version of it using watercolor. Colors didn't come out the way I wanted it but yah will get there. Need more practice.

Angry Girl!

Here's to my girl AG! For those who don't know her yet, she's my alter ego a few years back. It came as an idea from my really good friend Rica. I couldn't write her story well simply because I was still in a rage haha But now, I've got to face her again, finally giving her space to grow up. So in the upcoming month you'll meet her beloved friends Lilibells and Patty Cakes. Of course, we shouldn't forget Vixen Mayhem (the major flirk yes flirk for flirt). I've added a new character Kupern. It came to me a few days ago while having lunch and Kups (my brother) walked in the kitchen and was kupin! He's one of my fave characters though. I couldn't help but laugh while drawing him. On writing how the story will go is still a challenge. I want it to be as truthful as possible and at that same time fun. We'll see how it turns out in the next few days.

A Sketchy Dream

After much tossing and turning in bed was I finally able to sleep. Impatient and anxious about many things in the real world even when in the dream state, ugh, I was impatient and anxious. Nicole and even my guru gave this advice: ask a question before going to sleep. It is in dreams that we will find the answers. So tonight I tried. And when I awoke sluggishness and out of sorts yet peaceful I wrote what I had dreamt of: three long pages of outrageous events. Then, I saw this sketch I made a few months ago. Strange, if I drew one part of what I saw in my dream it would somehow look like this.

Scratches scratches sketches sketches sketches

I dream of the beach!!! :)
But its nice and cozy here too in the south side of Manila. Lots of tea time, good vibes and talks about what we want in life with Peej, Kups joining in the conversation with his stories, Mems running about acting like a mom and constantly checking for flight promos, Dee dee armed with his supply of peanuts staring at the t.v. because its "Military Monday" on history channel (but it's military monday any day of the week for him!), Atee Dang arriving on weekends and showing off her art exchange program (very inspiring, gow gow), and Atee Tar missing in action (miss you!), and no stress on what to eat (thanks for the wonderful cooking Sayong!), and when I don't feel like driving Charlo takes me (yey!) and there is the motivation to wake up early so i can at least get a glimpse of Oliveyey that works for me (heehee). Despite this skin dis-ease there's a lot of good things coming along. And to take my wandering hand from scratching (and a long time project which I can no longer put on hold) I've turned to sketching my angry girl series again :) yey!

Finding my flow

This is what happens when you know you're the master of your own universe...You begin to dance like the ancient Apsara's! And couldn't care much if your brother is making fun and kupin' at you (but hey he still took the photo). I was so thrilled to see the water and the greenery and the only way to express it was to pose like so! :) There was so much energy going on in that place that day. I was so glad I was a part of that inner world. Now, if only I could recreate that day as where I am today, it's a bit difficult if you're not sensing you're own energy (pitiful indeed). To all the gods and goddesses, hear me out, please let me dance the way I danced that day: to flow back with my inner groove. The thought of it makes my insides wobble, I cannot wait for that day to come.

Angry Girl Begins

Angry? Me? It didn't make sense. I never thought of myself as someone who was angry to even cause this skin disease. The mind couldn't even make the connections between feelings and this bodily discomfort. But with all the books I've read on this, my body rang with recognition, my heart sank and the mind knew what it had denied for so long. I was indeed angry at many things. This anger was showing me the way but I failed to let her in. And I guess I didn't think it was the 'proper' way to go since no proper sane person would let the negative things get to them. I guess it only becomes negative when you let it get to you so instead this time, make no mistake girlie in turning this into an enemy that I should win over it (be the bigger person ek ek) No no I'm stepping back and seeing it for what it is. Befriending it. Serve her tea (i wonder if she'd like to join me and peej) and ask questions. I'm even picking some flowers for her. Hope she likes it. I'm ready to hear her out. Oh, I wonder what she has to say... :)

In Between

I am in a place called in between.
I am neither here nor there.
I am currently in between no work and my future work.
I am nowhere and yet i seem to be everywhere.
I am not a child nor am I an adult.
I am in the middle of then and now.
I am awake and asleep.
I am in a valley between what is real and what isn't.
I am here yet I long to be somewhere else.
As I try to heal myself, I am in the middle of losing or winning this battle.
I am home but my true home is the island.
I don't want to look back nor can I move forward.
I am in between a life being lived and a life that is yet to be lived.
And how do I get myself out of here?
Or should I just stay with it, be with it?

Then the questions, the questions keep coming. They don't stop coming. Flowing from within like currents in the sea. They will not stop flowing. They come because my soul knows they need an answer. An answer that has to be lived out because that is the only way they will keep still, a momentary stillness before I could clearly see the bottom of that blue water and watch the beautiful things that reside there.

I know only I can find the answers for no one else will live my truth but me. I take a look at myself and say with a knowing smile what I am about to ask, "So, tell me, do you really honestly want to leave this place?"


*Me standing in the bridge to nowhere, photo by Kups taken in Siargao summer 2006.