Night Watch

6:00 pm. July 22. Cardiovascular ICU.
I don't like being in this place.
It's so cold here. My hands are numb.
I closely monitor the screen that checks his ecg and bp rating. Everything is normal.
His breathing heavy and deep. He must be extremely tired, he only had jello and bland soup for dinner.
He slowly drifts back to sleep. I wonder what he's thinking right now or what he dreams about. It must be scary lying there so vulnerable and helpless. It hurts watching him like this.

6:30 pm
Nothing.
He's still asleep. Sound asleep. He has his mouth now open.

7:00 pm
The nurse comes in and startles him. He is now awake while she's checking the machines and tubes attached to him. At last she leaves.

7:30 pm
We quietly stare at the tv as he kept switching channels between Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. He can't decide what to watch: talking cows or the kid that can bend air. I'd catch him shutting his eyes once in awhile. Then, he asks me to fix the yellow blanket. He's feeling cold.

8:00 pm
He falls asleep. I stand up from my seat again and switch off the t.v.
I kiss him on the forehead.
Goodnight, dee dee.

How will it be universe?

Comment il sera univers?
I got my answer a few days ago. While unnecessarily obsessing about something the little book called God calling (which I haven't read for quite awhile since I left my own copy in boracay) was shoved at me by my asteeg sister one chika morning. It gave me this advice: Trust and wait. Okay. I can relax now. Since then, I've been going back to the mat, slowly facing myself again as I gave in to each asanas. Each practice brings in new questions and as I'd go deeper and deeper the questions just seemed endless. It always starts with HOW? I'd breathe in, let those two words fill me, exhale, and letting the universe take over from there.

Personal Projects

Inspired by the japanese cherry blossoms, I decided to make this sketch as part of a series of faceless bikini-clad girlies for my postcard collection. Been thinking whether or not to turn this into my 365-days project. My sister is making beautiful images with a corresponding haiku as her own project. It's inspiring. And she's pushing me to start my own everyday personal project. Well, I am loaded with enough personal projects for the year sometimes I don't know where to start and end up having tea and just making chika chika instead or sleep (though I do feel very productive during these restful times -- I'm always tired must be part of the healing process) Angry Girl, Felix et Felice, Beach Baby, Postcards, Happy Girl Ink and more are all listed in my to do list. I am trying to juggle them all.

Angry Girl: Building Character

A black and white sample of AG. She likes glam rock fashion: leggings, knee-high socks, shirts, jackets with tabs (maybe leather jackets too), depends really on her mood (or my mood in fact). But then, she might want to wear a dress inspired by Chloe or Alber Elbaz or Sari Gueron. Oh, and she definitely loves Tsumori Chisato's cutesy drawings and Junko Shimada's fantasy world. She admires Tadahiro Uesugi's pretty sketches. Although slightly frustrated with her own art, this girl is about being authentic with her work and being angry at many things especially her flirky (yes that's for flirty) step-sister (not sure about whether they really are) Vixen Mayhem.





A colored version of it using watercolor. Colors didn't come out the way I wanted it but yah will get there. Need more practice.

Angry Girl!

Here's to my girl AG! For those who don't know her yet, she's my alter ego a few years back. It came as an idea from my really good friend Rica. I couldn't write her story well simply because I was still in a rage haha But now, I've got to face her again, finally giving her space to grow up. So in the upcoming month you'll meet her beloved friends Lilibells and Patty Cakes. Of course, we shouldn't forget Vixen Mayhem (the major flirk yes flirk for flirt). I've added a new character Kupern. It came to me a few days ago while having lunch and Kups (my brother) walked in the kitchen and was kupin! He's one of my fave characters though. I couldn't help but laugh while drawing him. On writing how the story will go is still a challenge. I want it to be as truthful as possible and at that same time fun. We'll see how it turns out in the next few days.

A Sketchy Dream

After much tossing and turning in bed was I finally able to sleep. Impatient and anxious about many things in the real world even when in the dream state, ugh, I was impatient and anxious. Nicole and even my guru gave this advice: ask a question before going to sleep. It is in dreams that we will find the answers. So tonight I tried. And when I awoke sluggishness and out of sorts yet peaceful I wrote what I had dreamt of: three long pages of outrageous events. Then, I saw this sketch I made a few months ago. Strange, if I drew one part of what I saw in my dream it would somehow look like this.

Scratches scratches sketches sketches sketches

I dream of the beach!!! :)
But its nice and cozy here too in the south side of Manila. Lots of tea time, good vibes and talks about what we want in life with Peej, Kups joining in the conversation with his stories, Mems running about acting like a mom and constantly checking for flight promos, Dee dee armed with his supply of peanuts staring at the t.v. because its "Military Monday" on history channel (but it's military monday any day of the week for him!), Atee Dang arriving on weekends and showing off her art exchange program (very inspiring, gow gow), and Atee Tar missing in action (miss you!), and no stress on what to eat (thanks for the wonderful cooking Sayong!), and when I don't feel like driving Charlo takes me (yey!) and there is the motivation to wake up early so i can at least get a glimpse of Oliveyey that works for me (heehee). Despite this skin dis-ease there's a lot of good things coming along. And to take my wandering hand from scratching (and a long time project which I can no longer put on hold) I've turned to sketching my angry girl series again :) yey!